This information applies to England and Wales and Northern Ireland
This information applies if you want to split up with someone you're living with. It applies whether you're gay, lesbian or heterosexual. It's not for people who are married or in a civil partnership.
If you are living with your partner and your relationship ends, you do not have to take any legal action to separate. However, there may be issues about children, housing, property and money to sort out. This can be done either by informal agreement or by making a written separation agreement - see under heading Separating with a separation agreement.
If you have children, a court can make orders about who the children should live with and have contact with - see under heading Children at the end of your relationship.
A court can also make an order about rights to stay in your home and selling any jointly-owned property - see under heading Housing rights at the end of a relationship.
If you are thinking of going to court to sort out disagreements about the children, money or housing, you should consult an experienced adviser, for example, a family law solicitor. Lists of solicitors can be obtained from your local Citizens Advice Bureau. To search for details of your local CAB, including those that can give e-mail advice, click on 
nearest CAB.
If you and your partner are separating, you may need to inform:
A separation agreement is a written agreement between a couple who intend to stop living together. It sets out how you wish to sort out issues about money, property and arrangements for the children. Examples of things you might want to include in an agreement are:
The advantage of a written agreement is that it's easier to make sure that you both understand what has been agreed. It also means that either of you can go to court to change the order at a future date. It is advisable to consult a solicitor when drawing up a separation agreement, but you should work out in advance the general areas you want to cover. This will reduce the legal costs. You may be able to get help with your legal costs.
For more information about help with legal costs, see Help with legal costs or, in Northern Ireland, Help with legal costs.
At the end of a relationship, both parents are responsible for supporting their children financially regardless of where the children will live. Both parents are equally responsible even if they are not named on the child’s birth certificate. It doesn't matter whether they have got parental responsibility or not. Either parent can be contacted by the Child Support Agency for financial support. For more information about financial arrangements at the end of a relationship, see under heading Financial arrangements at the end of a relationship.
If you are the child's father, you will not automatically have a right to a say in their future, even though you may be financially supporting them. This will depend on whether you have parental responsibility for your child.
Having parental responsibility means you share with your partner in the responsibility for your child's health, education and welfare.
If the father and mother were not married at the time of the birth of the child, the father will have parental responsibility if:
If you're the lesbian or gay partner of a child's parent, there are various ways in which you might have got parental responsibility for your partner's children.
For more information about parental responsibility, see Responsibility for children in Civil partnerships and living together – legal differences.
It is best if you and your partner can come to a friendly arrangement about the care of your children. This arrangement should include who your children will normally live with and how they will stay in touch with the other parent.
If you and your partner find it difficult to agree between yourselves, you can ask for help from the local Family Mediation Service. Mediators are people who are trained to listen to both sides, and to help you and your partner agree on what will be best for yourselves and the children. To use this service, you both have to be willing to go along voluntarily. Any decisions you make there will not be legally binding. For more about mediation when a relationship breaks down, see under heading Family mediation.
If you and your partner can't reach agreement by yourselves and do not both want to use the Mediation Service, you can ask the courts to make decisions for you. You'll need legal advice to do this.
A court will only make decisions about children if it feels it is in the best interests of the child to do so. A court can make decisions about:
The court can make a residence order in favour of:
The court will normally expect you and your partner to make your own arrangements about maintaining contact with your children. The court will only make a court order if you can't agree.
The contact order may include conditions. It may also say what sort of contact you can have, for example, visiting, telephoning or writing letters. Orders can also be made to allow contact between the child and other relatives or friends.
If you are the father, you have a right to apply to the court for a contact order and will usually be granted one, except in exceptional circumstances.
If you are the father and you don't already have parental responsibility, you can ask the court to grant you a parental responsibility order. A parental responsibility order gives you the right to keep up direct and regular contact with your child. It can be a good idea to apply to the court for both a contact order and a parental responsibility order at the same time. You may be able to get help with legal costs.
For more information about help with legal costs, see Help with legal costs or, in Northern Ireland, Help with legal costs.
If you are thinking of going to court about arrangements for children, you should consult an experienced adviser, for example, a family law solicitor or at a Citizens Advice Bureau. To search for details of your nearest CAB, including those that can give advice by e-mail, click on nearest CAB.
For more information, in England and Wales, on how to make arrangements about your children when you split up with your partner, see Parents Apart on the Advicenow website at: www.advicenow.org.uk.
At the end of a relationship, both parents are responsible for supporting their children financially regardless of where the children will live. Both parents are equally responsible even if they are not named on the child’s birth certificate. It doesn't matter whether they have got parental responsibility or not. Either parent can be contacted by the Child Support Agency for financial support. For more information about parental responsibility, see under heading Children at the end of your relationship.
Neither you or your partner has a duty to maintain the other at the end of a relationship if you were not married or in a civil partnership. Financial arrangements can be arranged:
If you both agree to financial support, this is called a voluntary agreement. It can be written down or it could be a verbal agreement.
You can agree, for example, that one of you will make weekly payments to the other for the support of children, or will meet rent or mortgage payments, household bills, or pay for the children's clothing and holidays.
If you need advice on the options available for arranging child maintenance and for advice on how to set up a voluntary child maintenance agreement, you can contact the Child Maintenance Options Service. Their helpline number is: 0800 988 0988. You can also go to the Service's website at: www.cmoptions.org.
Before you agree on a package of financial support, it may be useful to get legal advice about whether it is an appropriate arrangement. It may also be useful to have an agreement drawn up by a solicitor in case of future dispute. You might get help with the costs of making a voluntary agreement.
For more information about help with legal costs, in England and Wales see Help with legal costs and in Northern Ireland, see Help with legal costs.
The Child Support Agency (CSA) assesses and collects maintenance payments for children who are under 16 (under 19 if they are in full-time non-advanced education). If your relationship has ended and the children are living with you, you can use the CSA to get financial support for your children.
For more information about getting financial support for your children through the CSA, see Child support for parents who live apart.
In some circumstances, the court can make an order for financial support for the children. They cannot make an order for financial support for you or your partner.
A court can make an order for regular payments to be made for the children or a one-off lump sum.
If you apply to court for financial support for the children, you might be able to get help with the legal costs. However you may have to pay towards these costs from money or property you get as a result of the court action. This is called the statutory charge. Make sure your solicitor explains the statutory charge properly to you before you start court action.
For more information about help with legal costs, in England and Wales see Help with legal costs and in N Ireland, see Help with legal costs.
At the end of your relationship, a court can give you or your partner short-term rights to the home, for example:
If your partner has been violent to you, you might need help to make sure you are safe in your home, or have a safe place to stay.
For more information about help you can get if your partner has been violent to you, see Domestic violence.
A court can also make long-term arrangements about housing in certain cases where there are children.
If you are thinking of going to court about your housing rights after the breakdown of your relationship, you should consult an experienced adviser, for example, a family law solicitor or at a Citizens Advice Bureau. To search for details of your nearest CAB, including those that can give advice by e-mail, click on nearest CAB.
If you and your partner are owner-occupiers, it's possible that only one of you is the actual owner of the property. If your partner is the sole owner, you may have no right to stay in your home if your partner asks you to leave.
However, if you have children, you can ask the court to transfer the property into your name. The court will only do this if it decides it is in the best interests of your children.
If you don't have children, you may be able to claim a financial interest in your home if you can show you contributed financially by, for example, paying for improvements or towards mortgage repayments. If you have a financial interest in your home you might be able to stop your partner from selling it. You'll need to get legal advice about this. You could get help with legal costs.
If you do own your home jointly with your partner and you decide to leave, you should take steps to protect your right to go back there if you want to. You will also need to protect your share in the value of the home by making sure that your partner does not sell it without your knowledge. You will need to get legal advice about this. You could get help with legal costs.
For more information about help with legal costs, in England and Wales see Help with legal costs and in N Ireland, see Help with legal costs.
Family mediation is a way of helping you and your partner sort out disagreements when your relationship breaks down. Mediators are people who are trained to listen to both sides, and to help you and your partner agree on what will be best for yourselves and the children. To use this service, you both have to be willing to go along voluntarily. Any decisions you make there will not be legally binding.
Two main types of family mediation are available:-
You can use family mediation services as soon as possible after you've decided to split up. Mediation can be helpful before any legal action to encourage co-operation between you and your partner and to prevent disputes getting worse. You can also use family mediation after you've split up if new disagreements come up or there are outstanding disagreements to sort out.
If you've been referred to mediation by a solicitor, you may get financial help with the costs
For more information on financial help with the costs of family mediation, in England and Wales see Help with legal costs and in Northern Ireland, see Help with legal costs.
In England and Wales, the government-funded Family Mediation Helpline can give contact details of local family mediators. The contact details for the Family Mediation Helpline are:
Tel: 0845 602 6627
E-mail: info@familymediationhelpline.co.uk
Website: www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk
You can also get information about family mediation from the ADR Now website at: www.adrnow.org.uk.
Mediation Northern Ireland
83 University Street
Belfast
BT7 1HP
Tel: 02
8 9043 8614
Fax: 028 9031 4430
E-mail: info@mediationnorthernireland.org
Website: www.mediationnorthernireland.org
If you ask a court to make decisions about arrangements for your children at the end of your relationship, they will usually ask a Children and Family Reporter to get involved.
Children and Family Reporters work for the Children and Family Court Advisory Service (Cafcass). They are independent of the courts and other agencies such as social services, education and health authorities. They are qualified in social work and experienced in working with children and families.
The Children and Family Reporter will try and help you and your partner work out the best possible arrangements for your children.
Sometimes the court will ask you and your partner, and any other parents involved, to meet with the Children and Family Reporter to see if you can sort things out without having to go on with the court case. If you can come to an agreement at this stage, the judge can make an order to confirm what was agreed.
If you can't come to an agreement, the judge can order that a report is produced before the case goes any further.
Court-based dispute resolution schemes are free.
For more information about court-based dispute resolution and Children and Family Reporters, in England visit the Cafcass website at: www.cafcass.gov.uk, and in Wales, see www.cafcass.gov.uk/cafcassCymru.htm.
Disclaimer, copyright and privacy policy, Copyright © 2010 Citizens Advice. All rights reserved.
Citizens Advice is an operating name of the National Association of Citizens Advice Bureaux.
