This information applies to England and Wales and Northern Ireland
When your marriage comes to an end, you will probably have a number of things to sort out with your partner, which may include childcare, money, housing, and other property and possessions.
You and your partner could decide:
If you and your partner are separating, you should tell:
If you and your partner are married, you can separate by an informal arrangement. You will need to inform some or all of the people listed under heading Who to inform when your marriage ends. You may have a legal responsibility to tell:
If you and your partner agree, you can make arrangements about children, money, housing and other property without going to court. However, any informal arrangement made when you separate may affect future decisions if you do ever go to court.
A court may change an arrangement made by a couple that it considers to be unreasonable or, in the case of a child, if it's not in the child's best interests.
A separation agreement is a written agreement between a couple who intend to stop living together. It sets out how they wish to sort out financial arrangements, property and arrangements for the children. Examples of what you might want to include in an agreement are:
The advantage of a written agreement is that it's easier to make sure that you both understand what has been agreed. It also means that either partner can go to court to change the order in the future. It is advisable to consult a solicitor when drawing up a separation agreement, but you should work out in advance the general areas you want to cover. This will reduce the legal costs. You may get help with your legal costs.
For more information about help with legal costs, see Help with legal costs or in Northern Ireland Help with legal costs.
A judicial separation is an order made by a divorce county court which stops the partners of a marriage having to live together in the same way as a divorce. It is quite rare to get a judicial separation, but can be used by couples who have a moral or religious objection to divorce. The order does not end the marriage so neither partner is free to marry again (or enter into a civil partnership).
You can't apply for a divorce until you've been married for at least one year (or two years in Northern Ireland). There are no exceptions to this rule. To get divorced in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, the marriage must be recognised as valid by United Kingdom law and you must meet rules about how long you've been living in the country.
If you and your partner both agree to the divorce, this is called an undefended divorce. If one of you doesn't agree to the divorce, this is called a defended divorce.
An undefended divorce is dealt with:
You can apply to any divorce county court. You can find court addresses in the local telephone directory or on Her Majesty's Courts Service website at 
www.hmcourts-service.gov.uk.
In an undefended divorce, you don't usually need to use a solicitor for the divorce procedure itself. However, it may be advisable to go to a solicitor for general advice before you apply for a divorce. A solicitor can be useful for advice on whether there are sufficient grounds, which grounds are appropriate and what evidence may be needed. If there are disputes about children, property or money which you and your partner can't resolve, it's usually advisable to consult a solicitor.
A defended divorce will normally be heard in the High Court, although the case can be transferred to the divorce county court.
In a defended divorce, both partners should always consult a solicitor. When the case is heard, you will usually need to use a barrister as well. Legal fees can be very high if there are long disputes. It is advisable wherever possible for both partners to try to come to an agreement before going to court.
The court will grant a divorce if you or your partner can show that the marriage no longer exists on a permanent basis. Legally, this is called an irretrievable breakdown of the marriage. For a marriage to have irretrievably broken down, one of the following things must be proved:
A court may grant a divorce if one of you has had a sexual relationship with someone else (committed adultery) and the other partner cannot bear to carry on living together. You must decide that you can't bear to carry on living together within six months of the adultery taking place. A woman who is raped hasn't committed adultery but a man who commits rape has.
The court will need details of the adultery, for example, dates and places when it happened. The court will only grant the divorce if it's satisfied that adultery has occurred and that the other partner could no longer live with the partner who has committed adultery.
If you both agree to the divorce, the court will usually only need statements and details of the sexual relationship. If one of you doesn't agree to the divorce, proof will be necessary and this may be difficult and expensive to get.
A court may grant a divorce if you or your partner has behaved so badly that the other can no longer bear living together. Unreasonable behaviour can include mental or physical cruelty, including violence or abuse, and less obvious things like dominating a partner, not letting the partner leave the house or speak to neighbours and friends or refusing to pay for housekeeping.
If one of you doesn't agree to the divorce, evidence and details will be needed, for example, evidence from witnesses such as friends or medical evidence.
If your partner has been violent towards you, you can get specialist help.
For more information about help you can get if your partner has been violent, see Domestic violence.
Desertion means that your partner left home against your wishes with no good reason. If your partner was away continuously for two out of the last two and a half years, you can apply for a divorce without the agreement of your partner. If you live together for a total of up to six months during this period, this does not stop the desertion being continuous. A court will want proof of the desertion and, if one of you doesn't agree to the divorce, there may be disagreements about who deserted whom.
In Northern Ireland, desertion occurs where one partner deserts the other without reasonable excuse for an uninterrupted period of two years. There must also be an intention to desert the partner.
If you have lived apart (been separated) for two years continuously and you both agree to a divorce, a court will accept this as proof of irretrievable breakdown of the marriage. The two years apart will still be continuous even if you have actually lived together for up to six months in between.
If you have lived apart (been separated) for five years continuously, you can apply for a divorce without your partner's agreement. Your partner can object to the divorce on the grounds that it would cause unreasonable hardship. However, a court will usually agree to a divorce as long as you've been separated for five years.
The partner who is applying for the divorce is called the petitioner. The other partner is the respondent.
If you want to start divorce proceedings you will need to get the forms from the court. You can also get them from Her Majesty's Courts Service website at www.hmcourts-service.gov.uk.
The court office will tell you which forms you need, but court staff are not allowed to give legal advice to either partner or help you fill in the forms.
If you are applying for a divorce and want help to fill in the forms, you should consult an experienced adviser, for example, at a Citizens Advice Bureau. To search for details of your nearest CAB, including those that can give advice by e-mail, click on nearest CAB.
If you both agree to the divorce, the court will look at the petition and grant an order called a decree nisi. No court hearing is needed.
If you have children, the court will need to be satisfied that you have made satisfactory arrangements for them. The court may want to discuss the arrangements and possibly meet the children if they are old enough (nine years and over). A divorce which you both agree to can take up to six months if there are no children or money issues involved. It can take longer if children are involved and the court is not satisfied with the arrangements being made for them. For more information about arrangements for the children, see under heading Children at the end of a marriage.
Six weeks after the court grants the decree nisi, the partner who applied for the divorce can apply to the court for a final order called a decree absolute. This confirms the divorce. A decree absolute will be made as long the court has approved the arrangements for any children. After a decree absolute has been made, either partner can marry again or enter into a civil partnership.
If you start divorce proceedings and your partner doesn't agree, they will have to fill in court papers called an Answer. They have to say why they don't agree that the marriage has broken down. There might be a court hearing for a judge to decide whether the marriage has broken down. These hearings are very rare, as in most cases a defended divorce will be resolved before a court hearing.
Even if the court agrees that the marriage has broken down, they have to be satisfied that you have made satisfactory arrangements for any children. They may want to discuss arrangements about the children and possibly meet them if they are old enough (nine years and over). For more information about arrangements for the children, see under heading Children at the end of a marriage.
If the court agrees to grant the divorce, they will grant a decree nisi. Six weeks after the court grants the decree nisi, the partner who applied for the divorce can apply to the court for a decree absolute. This confirms the divorce. A decree absolute will be given as long the court has approved the arrangements for any children. After a decree absolute has been made, either partner can marry again or enter into a civil partnership.
For more information, in England and Wales, about getting a divorce, see Divorce – a survival toolkit on the Advicenow website at: www.advicenow.org.uk.
You can't usually get help with legal costs for a divorce where both partners are in agreement. You may be able to get help where there is disagreement about the divorce.
If you do get help, in some cases you might have to pay some of the legal costs back, out of money or property you are given when the divorce comes through. This is called the statutory charge. Make sure your solicitor explains the statutory charge to you before you start the case.
For more information about help with legal costs, in England and Wales see Help with legal costs and in Northern Ireland, see Help with legal costs.
Once the marriage ends, you'll have to decide who will look after the children.
You may be able to make arrangements between yourselves about where the children live and contact with the other parent. However, if this is not possible, the court can make the decisions for you.
Many couples split up but never get divorced. If you separate informally, you may not ever need to go to court. You can make arrangements for the children that may last forever. But if it is not possible to sort out the arrangements, the court can make decisions.
If you are getting a divorce, the court will not grant the divorce until it has looked at the arrangements for the children. You'll have to give the names of all dependent children of the family. A dependant child is one who is under 16 or under 19 if in full-time education. It includes children who are the children of both partners together, adopted children, step-children and any children who have been treated as part of the family. It doesn't include foster children.
You have to give details of how the children will be looked after. You'll need to say where the children will live and who they will live with, as well as the financial arrangements for their support. The court's main concern will be to decide what's in the best interests of the children. If the arrangements are acceptable to both parents, the court will not make decisions concerning the child. It will only make decisions where this is necessary to sort out a disagreement about arrangements. Decisions made by the court are called orders.
You could get help from a mediator to make arrangements about the children - see under heading Family mediation.
If you are thinking of going to court about arrangements for your children, you should consult an experienced adviser, for example, a family law solicitor or go to a Citizens Advice Bureau. To search for details of your nearest CAB, including those that can give advice by e-mail, click on nearest CAB.
A court will only make an order concerning children if it feels it is in the best interests of the children to do so. A court can make orders about:
The court can make a residence order in favour of:
The court will normally expect you and your partner to make your own arrangements about maintaining contact with your children. The court will only make a court order if you can't agree.
The contact order may include conditions. It may also say what sort of contact you can have, for example, visiting, telephoning or writing letters. Orders can also be made to allow contact between a child and other relatives or friends.
For more information, in England and Wales, on how to make arrangements about your children when you split up with your partner, see Parents Apart on the Advicenow website at: www.advicenow.org.uk.
At the end of a marriage, both parents are responsible for supporting the children financially, regardless of where the children will live.
You can also apply for financial support (maintenance) from your partner. You can do this whether you have children or not. There are three possible ways to arrange financial support:
You can get help to agree financial arrangements - see under heading Family mediation.
If you both agree to financial support, this is called a voluntary agreement. It can be written down or it could be a verbal agreement.
You can agree, for example, that one of you will make weekly payments to the other for the support of children, or will meet rent or mortgage payments and household bills or pay for the children's clothing and holidays.
If you need advice on the options available for arranging child maintenance and for advice on how to set up a voluntary child maintenance agreement, you can contact the Child Maintenance Options Service. Their helpline number is: 0800 988 0988. You can also go to the Service's website at: www.cmoptions.org.
Before you agree on a package of financial support, it may be useful to get legal advice about whether it is an appropriate arrangement. It may be useful to have an agreement written up by a solicitor in case of future dispute. You might get help with the costs of making a voluntary agreement.
For more information about help with legal costs, see Help with legal costs, or in Northern Ireland Help with legal costs.
The Child Support Agency (CSA) assesses and collects payments for children who are under 16 (under 19 if they are in full-time non-advanced education). If your marriage has ended and the children are living with you, you can use the CSA to get financial support for your children.
For more information about getting financial support for your children through the CSA, see Child support for parents who live apart.
You can apply for a court order for financial support at the end of a marriage. The court will consider all financial circumstances of both partners, including pension arrangements. In some circumstances, the court can also make an order for financial support for the children.
A court can make an order for regular payments to be made or for a one-off lump sum. It can also make an order about pension arrangements.
You might get help with legal costs when you apply to court for financial support. However, you might have to pay some of the legal costs back, out of money or property you are given by the court order. This is called the statutory charge. Make sure your solicitor explains the statutory charge properly to you before you start court action. Where pension arrangements are involved, you should also consider getting specialist financial advice.
For more information about help with legal costs, in England and Wales see Help with legal costs and in Northern Ireland, see Help with legal costs.
At the end of your marriage, the court can give you or your partner short-term rights to the home, for example:
If your partner has been violent to you, you might need help to make sure you are safe in your home, or have a safe place to stay.
For more information about help you can get if your partner has been violent to you, see Domestic violence.
The court can also make long-term arrangements about housing. If there's a disagreement about housing, the court will deal with the disagreement as part of the divorce.
If you are thinking of going to court about your housing rights after the breakdown of your marriage, you should consult an experienced adviser, for example, a family law solicitor or at a Citizens Advice Bureau. To search for details of your nearest CAB, including those that can give advice by e-mail, click on nearest CAB.
If you and your partner are owner-occupiers, it's possible that only one of you is the actual owner of the property. If this is the case, the partner who is not the owner will need to protect their right to stay in the property and make sure the owner doesn't sell it without their knowledge. Even if you actually move out when the relationship ends, you may want to move back in again later.
To protect your rights to stay in the property, you have to fill in a form and send it to either the District Land Registry or the Land Charges Department in Plymouth. In Northern Ireland, it's either the Land Registry or the Registry of Deeds. This depends on where the property is registered.
This procedure is not complicated and it is not necessary to consult a solicitor. However, anyone who wants to protect their rights in this way should consult an experienced adviser, for example, at a Citizens Advice Bureau. To search for details of your nearest CAB, including those that can give advice by e-mail, click on nearest CAB.
Family mediation is a way of helping couples who are separating or divorcing to sort out disagreements and reach decisions about things like money, property and looking after the children. To use this service, you both have to be willing to go along voluntarily. Any decisions you make there will not be legally binding.
Two main types of family mediation are available:-
A couple can use family mediation services as soon as possible after they have decided their relationship is ending and they feel able to discuss any disputes. Mediation can be helpful before legal proceedings begin, to encourage co-operation between the couple and to prevent disputes from getting worse and agreement becoming harder to reach in the future. Family mediation can also be used after a separation or divorce if new issues arise or there are outstanding issues to be resolved.
If you've been referred to mediation by a solicitor, you may get financial help with the costs.
For more information on financial help with the legal costs of family mediation, in England and Wales see Help with legal costs and in Northern Ireland, see Help with legal costs.
Out-of-court family mediation can be provided by a number of organisations.
In England and Wales, the government-funded Family Mediation Helpline can give contact details of local family mediators. The contact details for the Family Mediation Helpline are:
Tel: 0845 602 6627
E-mail: info@familymediationhelpline.co.uk
Website: www.familymediationhelpline.co.uk
You can also get information about family mediation from the ADR Now website at: www.adrnow.org.uk.
Mediation Northern Ireland
83 University Street
Belfast
BT7 1HP
Tel: 0117 904 7223
E-mail: admin@ukcfm.co.uk
Website: www.ukcfm.co.uk
If you ask a court to make decisions about arrangements for your children at the end of your marriage, they will usually ask a Children and Family Reporter to get involved.
Children and Family Reporters work for the Children and Family Court Advisory Service (Cafcass). They are independent of the courts and other agencies such as social services, education and health authorities. They are qualified in social work and experienced in working with children and families.
The Children and Family Reporter will try and help you and your partner work out the best possible arrangements for your children.
Sometimes the court will ask you and your partner, and any other parents involved, to meet with the Children and Family Reporter to see if you can sort things out without having to go on with the court case. If you can come to an agreement at this stage, the judge can make an order to confirm what was agreed.
If you can't come to an agreement, the judge can order that a report is produced before the case goes any further.
Court-based dispute resolution schemes are free.
For more information about court-based dispute resolution and Children and Family Reporters, in England visit the Cafcass website at: www.cafcass.gov.uk, and in Wales, see www.cafcass.gov.uk/cafcassCymru.htm.
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